I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
