ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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