Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
