I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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