i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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