haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
