Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
