you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
