Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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