So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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