Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
