We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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