Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize