In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
