he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
