Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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Found your dick twin last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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