literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
