How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
