ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
