O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
