Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
