come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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