The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize