Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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