dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
