Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
