My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
