i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize