Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
