I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
