i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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