She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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