my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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