She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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