Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
