You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
my liver is dry heaving
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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