You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
