her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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