Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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