Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
