Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
