can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
