If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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