If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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