I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
