Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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