Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
