Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
