Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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