i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
