see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
