Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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