it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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