I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
