I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
