Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
