Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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