Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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