Will you blow on my dice?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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