You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
