as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
