I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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