I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
