Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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