feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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