dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
