ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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